What Riding The Wells Fargo Wagon Was Really Like


of the corporate culture:

Relentless pressure. Wildly unrealistic sales targets. Having to pressure family members and friends to open unnecessary bank accounts. Corporate executives designed the sales quota systems and created the culture of harassment and fear when we did not meet them.

This Is All About Pain


“Are you going to eat all that yourself?

The delivery guy’s expression was incredulous as he handed me my order–an order, which, I’d used compromising means of obtaining, so desperate and pathological the means of my destruction had devolved.

I paused, immediately conjured a plausible lie, dismissed it and admitted, “Yes.”

“Whaaat?” He assessed my frame in disbelief.  “But…how?”

I had no energy for shame or mortification.

“I’m going to throw it all up when I’m done.”

Caught off guard by my candidness, his speech faltered, “Oh!  OhmyGod.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.  It’s not your problem.”  I pause.  “Only, if you don’t ask your customers so many personal questions, you might not have to deal with so many personal answers.”

He nodded, reaching for the signed receipt.

Now, he is finally walking away, and I think he is going to let me be.

Still, not put off, he’s got one more for me.

“So…you’re like, Anorexic or somethin’”?

Yeah, buddy.  Or somethin’.

They don’t understand.  It isn’t gluttony.  And isn’t hedonism.

This is not about pleasure.  This is all about pain.


Credit: Pixabay

Near or distant, it’s likely that nearly every family has at least one “mad” relation.  You know who I’m talking about; the one who’s responsible for the legendary tales of insane behavior, collective embarrassment, and general familial strife? Chances are if you’re reading this essay, you either love a “mad” person or are one of them.  Well, you’re in good company my friend.

As late as the 1970’s, those “affected” were institutionalized in barbaric versions of asylums and hospitals, a la One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  Strides made in modern medicine and mental health care ought to reduce the destructive ripple effect these individuals wield upon their respective families, but, in my estimation, it hasn’t done much to help.

At best, positive changes have been minimal;  mental illness poisons entire families.   The reality of mental illness is that there is no cure, only strategies of maintenance and coping.  The management of mood disorders is largely guesswork: trial and error requiring time, patience, resources and information.

And step one is diagnosis.

Correct diagnosis, that is.

From childhood into my early 30’s, I’ve been the unwilling passenger of a perpetual rollercoaster, with violent emotional waves dictating my behavior, decisions, and interactions.

I felt (and still feel) so wrong in the head, not understanding the constant intensity of emotion, the internal turmoil always clutching at my insides.

I’ve been confused by the behavior of those around me.  Everyone else seems so relaxed, so unaffected, so very, very even.

When I was younger, in elementary, middle and even high school, it frustrated me to no end that, when I was in a manic rage or sobbing desperately, my parents didn’t seem to take me seriously, dammit.  In fact, they often appeared amused.

Outrageous! How dare you! This is life and death we are talking about here!

I was quite indignant.

Talking to my dad about it now, he tells me: “I didn’t realize anything was really wrong.  I just assumed the fighting with your mother, the emotional outbursts, the dramatics…that it was all part of being a girl.”

Sexist, maybe.  Understandable? Absolutely.

Most of the time, I covered up the illness.  I desperately wanted (and still want) to fit in, be accepted, appear normal, be liked and admired.

And still, to this day, I seek external validation.  My 20+ years of Anorexia and Bulimia can certainly attest to that.

But of course, an Eating Disorder is not ever about just one thing.  Yes, a significant part of me wants to appear attractive, controlled, on top of things, and strong (ha ha…ha), BUT the main role of my Anorexia and Bulimia has been a homemade mood stabilizer,  only I never realized its true function until 2014, when I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

For years, family, doctors, psychologists, and therapists attempted to treat only the presenting symptoms: the starving, bingeing, purging, over-exercising, self-harming behaviors.

All the while, not seeing the forest from the trees.

At my sickest, I felt angry at them.  Patronized.

My problems were chalked up to the trivial pursuit of beauty.  Thinness. Perfection.  Attaining the unattainable, blah, blah, blah.

My parents theorized it was a preoccupation with vanity; a hyperbolic representation of societal standards for the aesthetic ideal.

The times when I veered toward the danger zone, more dead than alive, they realized it had become an obsession over which I’d lost control; a set of destructive behaviors so addictive and necessary that I was willing to die for them.

And I may, still.

My parents tried to understand, but they did not have all the information.


Credit: Pixabay

Wanting very much to keep me alive, they’ve attempted all conceivable ways to help: spending tens of thousands of dollars on treatment, hospitals, rehab, therapists, doctors, and dentists.  Arguing with insurance companies on my behalf, fighting for more comprehensive care.  Seeing me through divorce and bankruptcy.  Moving me back home and opening their own homes to me, all the while providing financial and emotional support.  Straining their own relationships, prioritizing my needs at the expense of my siblings.

I am a living, breathing investment.

And then.  

Then, the true and full extent of my family’s unconditional love, support and patience was tested when I had my first psychotic manic episode.  I had initially not been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because, for years, doctors, psychologists, therapists, and counselors had been focused on the presenting symptoms of my eating disorder.  Forest…trees…you get it.  

 Around the time of my divorce, my family had helped moved me back home, at their time and expense, I might add, but I’d already been relapsing into Anorexia once again.  Historically my anorexia has always manifested as sub-type 2: purging type.  What this means is, that I primarily restrict my calorie intake, but if I do binge, or even eat normal portion sizes, I will purge through vomiting.  During anorectic relapses, this behavior is always accompanied by excessive exercise.  I normally run 45 minutes to an hour, but during a relapse, a two to three-hour workout would be about average for me.  OCD behaviors always intensify during these times as well.  

Having refused to go to inpatient eating disorder treatment during this relapse,  I was seeing both a medical doctor and an outpatient therapist regularly, at my family’s behest.  The doctor, in an attempt to treat my “depression and anxiety” prescribed me anti-depressants, which promptly sent me into full blown mania.  

Starvation-and not in the hyperbolic sense, mind you-combined with, well, basically speed for Bipolar people, made me a fucking lunatic.  


Credit: Pixabay

 Compounding that, a Bipolar person, having a mixed-manic episode, I was readily and enthusiastically putting myself in peril. There’s that impulsive, risky element that’s so magnetically attractive in this state; even suicidal thoughts are idealized and appealing.

Continue reading »

Is Sustainability For Suckers?



Ugly…or  BEAUTIFULLY delicious?

Apparently, growing spreads like this for yourself is silly, foolish, and…

ugly?   AND ILLEGAL??                                                                              

That’s what a judge just ruled because apparently, veggie gardens are, get this, UGLY.

READ HERE: Judge Rules Government Can Ban Vegetable Gardens Because They’re ‘Ugly’ Continue reading »

Featured Article On writeHackr


My most recent article is featured in writeHackr Magazine Issue 05 which is now available in the iOS App Store and on Google Play.

If you have an apple or android device, you can download a free issue of writeHackr Magazine. My first article for them is now available in issue 05! Apple users can get it on iTunes and android users can get it on Google play.

The magazine is geared toward content creators, but there’s a lot of good business strategy and entrepreneurial-related information, too.

Click over to http://writehackr.com/iTunes (for Apple devices) or http://writehackr.com/Android (for Android devices) to subscribe and read the latest issue!




No-Fail Summer Garden Starters


Have you thought about starting a garden but let spring pass you by?  It’s not too late to plant a Summer Garden! You can plant now for a late Summer harvest and even plant again in time for a Fall Harvest too!

If you’ve never scratched the surface of gardening before, not to worry! When I first started my garden, I was completely clueless.  Every new project is an experiment, and I’ve learned from some of the planting mistakes I made early on.  I’ve now got plentiful Muscadine grapes, so I must be doing something right!


I put together an article for Tribe Magazine that is just perfect for novice gardeners and children:

5 Super-Easy Plants Your Kids Will Love Growing Themselves This Summer

It’s full of good information to get you started on your summer garden. This one provides specific examples of the plants that are best suited for a child’s (or impatient adult’s!) first gardening experience. There are lots of plants that are practically no-fail options that don’t require a green thumb or lots of space, time, or funds. Check out this article to see how you can get started!

Gardening is one of the most satisfying and therapeutic activities kids can tackle relatively independently.  Children love creating something from (virtually) nothing.  What begins as tiny seeds which germinate into something that’s living and bearing edibles is almost tantamount to magic.  Planting vegetables and flowers is an exciting activity, regardless of age.

Read more: http://thetribemagazine.com/5-super-easy-plants-your-kids-will-love-growing/#ixzz4Fqlb3Qwg

IMG_1884IMG_1816 Continue reading »

A Body That’s Mine to Accept


Gaining weight and maintaining an appropriate body size and shape for my height has been the most difficult step in the recovery process. Being comfortable in my own skin is an arduous process. It’s one that I have to battle on a daily basis. Some days it’s a much easier fight than others. I wrote this essay a long while ago, so it’s not new or anything. I don’t always feel this way about my body now–and not to such extremes, but I do still struggle a great deal. I know a lot of people struggle with body image too. It’s up on The Mighty today, so I decided to share it with you all, as this step was helpful for me in LESSENING THE INTENSITY of the feeling of body hatred. It helped me create a distance between myself and my hallowed anorectic frame. Read, don’t read, comment, don’t comment, but whatever you do, love yourself and your body.

IMG_2288 (2)13774343_1572861823010114_202399518_n

Read, Share, & Like on The Mighty 

I’m ‘Sitting Shiva’ for My Anorexic Body

Continue reading »

Kick Beauty Standards To The Curb: Join The Movement Now!


Taryn Brumfitt’s new documentary “Embrace” is giving society’s body image an overhaul.

How many of you have ever done this or something similar?

…looked down at your humanly imperfect body, squeezed, lifted, and pulled at the trouble spots, frowned, thinking, “This won’t do at all.” so you…

  1. Decided to go on a strict diet and/or exercise regimen,
  2. Calculated how long it would take to get to your PERFECT! weight,
  3. Circled that date on the calendar

and told yourself–subconsciously or not–

THAT’S when my life will turn around! THAT’S when I’ll be happy! When I’ll feel confident! When I’ll ask that guy/girl out! When I’ll ask for that raise! When I’ll finally wear that bathing suit! When I’ll go to the beach and actually be wearing said bathing suit!

And life will be just dandy.

Except it’s not, is it?

91 percent of women hate their bodies.

In response to this alarming statistic, on a mission.

, former inhabitant of a (nearly) perfect body, is on a global crusade.  She’s calling it a Body Image Movement.

Continue reading »


For the Exposure



In poor taste? Quite possibly, but I’m on a mission.

No, not kind of mission.  

The blog remains a place to emotionally decompress, to connect, to inform, and to advocate.  

It’s My Home Base.  

So here we go:

I promise these uncomfortably mercenary posts will end soon, but hopefully not along with this blog.  

YOU can help keep this blog going by making a donation to http://paypal.me/KPolito


The fact is, this blog doesn’t run on sunflower seeds, figs, and rainbows (although that would be nice), so if you’ve been with me from the beginning or if you’re just beginning to follow please consider making a donation to help this blog in motion.  

Gears, Cooperation, Transmission, Organization

Pixabay Creative Commons License

Pixabay Creative Commons License

The goal to reach is $111.00, help me get there by the end of June!  Thank you for reading and supporting my writing! 


Hands, Friendship, Hold, Holding, Together, Partnership

Pexels Creative Commons License


Download, Team Spirit, News Field, Team, Teamwork

Pixabay Creative Commons License

Hey! Like my writing?  Do you wish you had access to all of my password protected posts and other content that isn’t available online?  I have other work!  I’ve published !  It’s nothing crazy; they are about 50-55 pages each and cost approximately $5 each depending on what country you are purchasing from.  Each ebook consists of a , mental illness, family dynamics, social anxiety, and other awkward shit that happens in my life.  It’s relatable, honest and raw.  Oh, and there are pictures in titles like  & .  You’ll probably like it.  Or not.  What the hell? It’s $5! 

***If you have previously purchased Amazon downloadable content, please note that the ebook content has changed.  Some previously available titles have been updated and contain more essays, pages, pictures, etc.  If you have specific questions, please email me directly @ .  



A Plea for Help!


Yesterday, someone asked me: What makes life meaningful for you? Essentially, what is the most important aspect of your life?

My initial answer was: Writing.  That’s a selfish and self-indulgent answer, yes, but currently, it’s what keeps me going.  Writing provides me moments of liberation from illness. Moments of clarity.  

Writing has provided me an identity outside of .  It helps me set goals, plan for the future and cope with the mercurial nature of Bipolar Disorder.  It softens the edges of virulence; it gives me focus, purpose, and passion.   

Those moments are best utilized in creating some of my best work.  That work isn’t always professionally published.  A lot of pieces of which I’m most proud have been rejected with the most frequency.  Some websites simply are looking for what’s going to be popular with mainstream readers.  Some websites prefer comparatively editorial pieces.  

That being said, writing sometimes comes at a price.  I’ve just begun to get my feet wet in the realm of article freelancing and it is really hard.  The competition is vastly talented and experienced, the ratio of work to writers is seriously unbalanced, and, unfortunately, you’ve got to make some errors in order to learn the process.  Online query etiquette can be tricky and inconsistent across the industry.  

Part of “selling yourself” to editors is through social media and many times that can mean connecting through your blog to redirect your readers to your professionally published articles: the better an article performs (i.e. more shares, likes, tweets, etc.), the better.  Blogging is sometimes a big part of that.  Maintaining a blog for updates, portfolio content hosting, and service listing is also vital.  

But lastly, and I think most importantly, the personal blog remains the place to emotionally decompress.  

There are no guidelines to necessitate tailoring a post or article to meet certain requirements or check off boxes on a list.  It can be abstract, simple, instructive, or editorial.  There’s still the opportunity to create quality content through updates, musings, and honest divulgences.

That being said, running and hosting a blog does cost money.  My domain name and blog hosting package are set to expire in mid-June.  I’m issuing a plea to my readers to help me raise funds to keep the blog open so that I can continue to provide you with interesting, thought-provoking content.    

Are you a reader who enjoys my words regularly?

Here are a number of ways you can HELP SUPPORT THIS BLOG and keep it going.  The first suggestion will have the most on supporting this blog.  The rest will be a help over time as funds are not paid out until a benchmark is reached.  

So here we go, the absolute classiest bulleted list you’ll see on this blog, I’m sure: 

  • DONATE THROUGH PAYPAL: Make a one-time contribution or set-up recurring payments by clicking the PayPal button on the Top Right or Bottom Right of your screen or you may***DONATE HERE***

  • Affiliate Links: I get fractions of pennies if anything is purchased when readers click on any affiliate links or banners on my site.

  • Purchase any of my self-published for $2.99 (note: Best of S&P 200+ pages coming this Fall)  

You may support this blog by making donations through the PayPal Donation buttons found on this site.  All contributions are welcome and appreciated.  Even $1.00 will help go to the cost of the domain name and host service. Thank you!

***DONATE HERE*** Alternatively, you can donate through Paypal’s website directly and send to: http://paypal.me/KPolito

Grammarly Gets it Right! Product Review


This post is sponsored by Grammarly, Inc.

I’m not one to arbitrarily post product or service reviews very often.  In fact, I believe the very last one was back in January or February of 2015!  Not only that, this is my very first post sharing an affiliate review with you!

What this means is that I’ve teamed up with Grammarly to share what I like best about using their writing-enhancement resources, and how it is helping me become a better, more efficient writer.  What I wrote in Home Base was sincere: I don’t want to waste your time with blow-off posts; I want to offer you, and all my readers quality content that has a purpose, focus, and meaning.

In most jobs, the ability to write clearly and unambiguously remains an essential skill.

-The New York Times

Because I’ve found Grammarly‘s service to be so helpful, I’d like to list just a few of the tasks it does for me as I write, without any extra work on my part!

  • Instantly proofread your texts, correcting over 250 types of errors:  I use semicolons where I should use commas!

  • Improve word choice with context-optimized synonyms: They’ll tell you when You’re overusing a word!  I am so guilty of this!    


  •  Avoid plagiarism by checking for originality and generating citations: Make sure you are not inadvertently regurgitating somone else’s unique ideas!

  •  Perfect your written English and become a more confident writer: You will be amazed at your efficiency!

I’ve noticed that Grammarly finds a lot of spelling and grammatical errors that WordPress misses.  I was shocked at how incomplete most of the spellcheckers are on other programs!  I’ve gone back into old blog posts and been completely embarrassed at all the mistakes that have shown up!  I’ve been misspelling judgment for quite some time.  Note: it is not “judgement”.  I know Grammarly is not going to be happy with me typing that!

It’s so neat because it corrects in real time, as you write, and it fixes your errors everywhere.  Who else can say they’ve misspelled all kinds of words while commenting on Facebook?  I know I have!

I highly recommend this product.  Now that I’ve been using it, I don’t know what I ever did without it.

And it’s so easy to sign up for the free trial!  Just click on the banner above this post and it will take you directly to where you want to go!

The trial is completely free, requires no obligation to sign up and you can cancel within 7 days.  I guarantee you, you will not!  

Ready to get started? Click on this link and get 20% off a new subscription plan when you decide you can’t live without this writing platform!  

Grammarly Gets it Right!

You might be surprised at the number of corrections Grammarly identifies to improve the quality
of your own writing.


What’s keeping you from signing up today?  Check it out!